Looking for a funny one-liner or a word of wisdom? This is the place. Calvin has said many things through the years, and some of the deepest and funniest can be found in this list. Oh, and Hobbes have some deep ones, too!
Dad has also said some crazy stuff. For instance, did you know that there is a little man inside the ATM that hands you the money? That’s right! Just like with the garage door opener!
Fortunately, it’s true like people say; you should never believe everything you read.
Susie(to Calvin): GET AWAY FROM OUR DOOR WITH THAT DRILL!
Calvin: Moms and reason are like oil and water.
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p88-1
Calvin: Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, p9-3
Calvin: My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
There’s Treasure Everywhere, p158-1
Calvin: Obviously my body doesn’t believe a word my brain is saying.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p135-2
Susie: The way Calvin’s brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.
The Days are Just Packed, 64-2
Calvin: The worst part is that I don’t even have the fun of doing the things I’m getting blamed for.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p188-2
Calvin: A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.
Calvin: You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p121-2
Calvin: I won’t eat any cereal that doesn’t turn the milk purple.
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p86-1
Calvin: Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p35-2
Calvin: There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p213
Calvin: That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p190-2
Calvin: You know how old people always write letters to Dear Abby, complaining that their kids never write, call or visit? Those letters really crack me up.
The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p139-1
Calvin: I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, p152-3
Calvin: I don’t need parents. All I need is a recording that says, “Go play outside!”
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p255
Calvin: Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p225-3
Calvin: Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p221
Calvin: In my opinion, television validates existence.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p196
Calvin: It’s only work if somebody makes you do it.
The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p